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Up Before 8

Musings of a sometimes morning person
Blog: Text

I haven't written in a while

Not for here, not for anything

Things have been busy in many ways

But it's the energy I'm feeling that has me the most out of sorts

I'm not quite sure what it is

And it's not something I've felt before

But it reminds me of that feeling when you get pulled under a wave, right before you're slammed coughing and flailing into the wet sand

That moment of clarity that you experience during horrendous physical pain

It's all about the fear

You may be at the precipice of a life-shattering moment

And yet you acknowledge that if you do make it out the other end you'll be okay

This may be a feeling reserved for those who have lived enough to see the patterns in their pain

To see the outcome of their suffering

I've done the dog and pony show

I've put myself through the ringer

And I've been sucker punched

I know how it ends

Or at least I think I do

I hold out hope

I pour endlessly into a bottomless pit

I recoil at the inevitability of the outcome

I will not kneel at your feet

Climb mountains or sail the sea

I will hold firm in my belief in myself

My honesty and compassion

For my love knows no bounds but my body has experienced

It has seen, and felt, touched and tasted

It has heard your words

And I will protect my heart by placing it deep inside

Surrounded by guts and cradled in warmth

Infused with life

My love is my own

To protect and share and revel in

Updated: Oct 20, 2023

I am collectible

Like a special edition Barbie

Or that rare holographic Charizard card

I'm a novelty

You want to put me on your shelf

Tell everyone you know I've been added to your collection

But it's all for the sake of having

Being able to say you've brushed shoulders with the rare and unusual

You're interested in the oohs and aahs

The inevitable questions

The giddy excitement of whispering my secrets

I don't blame you

How could I?

I collect too

Stories and tales infused in the bodies of the inanimate

I search for that which draws me closer to the chaos of our world

I am entropy embodied

My existence epitomizes the unknowable

The confusion and heartbreak

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