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I haven't written in a while

Not for here, not for anything

Things have been busy in many ways

But it's the energy I'm feeling that has me the most out of sorts

I'm not quite sure what it is

And it's not something I've felt before

But it reminds me of that feeling when you get pulled under a wave, right before you're slammed coughing and flailing into the wet sand

That moment of clarity that you experience during horrendous physical pain

It's all about the fear

You may be at the precipice of a life-shattering moment

And yet you acknowledge that if you do make it out the other end you'll be okay

This may be a feeling reserved for those who have lived enough to see the patterns in their pain

To see the outcome of their suffering

I've done the dog and pony show

I've put myself through the ringer

And I've been sucker punched

I know how it ends

Or at least I think I do

I hold out hope

I pour endlessly into a bottomless pit

I recoil at the inevitability of the outcome

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