I haven't written in a while
Not for here, not for anything
Things have been busy in many ways
But it's the energy I'm feeling that has me the most out of sorts
I'm not quite sure what it is
And it's not something I've felt before
But it reminds me of that feeling when you get pulled under a wave, right before you're slammed coughing and flailing into the wet sand
That moment of clarity that you experience during horrendous physical pain
It's all about the fear
You may be at the precipice of a life-shattering moment
And yet you acknowledge that if you do make it out the other end you'll be okay
This may be a feeling reserved for those who have lived enough to see the patterns in their pain
To see the outcome of their suffering
I've done the dog and pony show
I've put myself through the ringer
And I've been sucker punched
I know how it ends
Or at least I think I do
I hold out hope
I pour endlessly into a bottomless pit
I recoil at the inevitability of the outcome