I've been on a bit of a creative kick recently. Maybe it's the super full moon, or the transition to the fall season, or just my personal journey. Whatever it is this creativity of mine has really centered on themes of womanhood, patriarchal structures, and the spaces we make and embody as women. But most importantly I've been considering what it means to be perceived in this capitalist, neo-colonialist, patriarchal society. Doing this work has me thinking about and finding inspiration in other women's work. Sometimes when I see gorgeous quilts on glossy pages or talks of residencies or perfectly aesthetic studio spaces I feel this pressure in my chest. Right there slightly to the left where my heart is rhythmically pumping I feel this pull. This yearning that I spent the majority of my life identifying as jealousy.
But maybe what I am and have felt isn't jealousy or envy but awe. Society tells women that we're supposed to hate each other, envy each other, tear each other down. But maybe what I've always felt is awe at being a woman and seeing women do miraculous things. And maybe I've been afraid, not because I can't do what other women can but because I'm scared to not be what other women need.