Updated: Sep 10, 2023
They took my life away/ ripped my beating heart from my chest and dangled it in front of my face. They said they were being nice/ said they were good people doing good things. They said they work for the government so that makes their actions wholesome and pure. They said they were just following the rules, just doing their jobs.
Updated: Sep 10, 2023
stuck
frustrated
annoyed
confused
conversations
no explanation
purge me of every thought in my head
one
at a time
scream
respond
people
in the middle of the night
everyone
in a delusional land
refuse
acknowledge
no control
release
into the abyss
scream
fall
see where the ground meets
life
ends or begins or keeps going
know
about anything
at any point for any reason
scream
disappear forever
never over
it will always have happened
mandated
pain
SILENCE
Updated: Sep 10, 2023
I don't want to face a younger me
And tell her it doesn't get better.
Tell her she is let down by society.
Her goodness does not matter.
People will hurt her and they wont think twice.
_________________________________________
She will spend time stuck and lonely
Sad and overwhelmed by the evil of the world.
_________________________________________
She will grow
But growth will be a survival mechanism to try and escape.
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She will do everything she can
But the evil will hold on tight.
__________________________
She will wake up crying.
She will no longer have nightmares.
Nothing will be as terrifying as her lived experience.
Her dreams some nights will be the only safety and comfort she experiences for weeks.
_____________________________________________________________________________
She does have a support system.
Her counselor will be a kind, gentle person that cries during difficult sessions.
Who has nothing to offer
No way to help her.
She will watch family and friends contort themselves trying to help
But they will be helpless.
Nothing will ever be enough to make her whole again.
________________________________________________
There will be a time before and a time after.
Because that's what trauma does.